She is gone
by purplemonkey23
Summary: "Why did you leave me," he paused "how could you leave me." he paused again as if waiting for a response he never would get one.   Suicide. Implied Puckleberry


**Been busy recently but had a idea for a oneshot, will get back to my stories soon have way through chapters for both _What do you sat to taking chances_ and _Comes and goes_. Hope you all enjoy. Please review.**

_**Grief is like the ocean, its deep & dark & bigger than all of us & pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet, persistent, unfair. Diminished by time & fate & love**_

Noah sat at another Glee practice, not that it mattered anymore no that anything mattered anymore. She was gone and she had left him behind, there were nights where he called her phone just to here her voice, the same message over and over again. but still he got to hear her. He would watch her myspace videos to watch her sing, it became that he couldn't sleep without hearing her sing. Its all he had now. He couldn't let her go. Not when he... Not when he loved her.

**DENIAL**

He remembers watching her limp lifeless body, covered in blood being taken away behind the doors of the surgery room, his shirt drenched in blood, her blood. he sat on the chair in the waiting room head in his hands, one by one the other members of the glee club arrived, so did Mr Schue and her Dads but he took no notice.

He didn't look up until the doctor came out, with a grim look on his face. He didn't have to open his mouth and everyone in the room knew, she could here her dads sobbing into each other, he could see Britney confused and crying being comforted by Santana, Mercedes and Kurt crying and hugging, Finn and Quinn in the corner tears falling down there faces silently. Tina sat on Arties lap crying into him and Artie held a brave face sadness clear in his eyes. Matt and Mike Sat solemn not saying anything. Mr Schue had stray tears falling down his face.

"No"

That's all he said as he ran down the hall, shaking his head in disbelief.

He heard his name being called by Mr Schue, but ignored it he just kept on running. He couldn't talk to anyone right now, it couldn't be real he would wake up tomorrow and there she'd be smiling at him, he would hold her in his arms again and never let go.

But the next morning she wasn't there the facts were still true, but in his head they weren't she was still here, and any minute she would walk through the door and tell him not get his lazy butt out of bed.

No one saw him for a week, not until her funeral and even then he was quiet and kept to himself. The images of the last time he saw her still plagued his mind still clear as the moment it happened.

She never did walk threwt that door.

**Anger**

He sat in front of the gravestone just staring at it, every time he read over it he got angrier and angrier.

**December 18, 1994 - September 3, 2010**

**A Bright Star Shining Down**

"Why did you leave me," he paused

"how could you leave me." he paused again as if waiting for a response he never would get one.

"why couldn't you come to me, I could have helped" he choked up

"I would have helped, you know that"

his voice sank into a whisper " you know that"

His voice got angry once more " all you left was a note, a god damn note, a note, you didn't say goodbye"

he shook his head "not properly"

"you didn't let me say goodbye"

His voice got gruff as tears threatened to fall

" I dunno, It just seems selfish, people fight for their life's everyday and you, you just give yours away, like it ment nothing, it didn't mean nothing not to me, why? why? why did yo do it?" another shake of the head

"it just seems Incredibly selfish"

**Bargaining**

He didn't often come to the Synagogue, but there he was at the front of the empty Synagogue, praying out loud.

"Please just give me one more day with her, anything an hour I'll do anything, anything" he paused

" I just need her back, I need her now, why won't you give me her back" sighing a little

" I know it seems allot to ask but I need her, I swear I'll do anything and everything if you just giver her back"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned round to see his mother looking at him, her eyes brimming with tears as well. Noah wasn't ashamed of his tear streaked face. As he looked at her and said.

"I need her back"

"I know son, I know" His mother said as she held him.

They sat there like that for a while more and he just cried into his mothers arms, and she just held him they didn't have to say anything.

**Depression**

After glee practice one day Mr Schue stopped him, he wondered why he came anymore it wasn't the same without her, nothing was the same, nobody was the same, no one had as much energy as they used to and they were no longer able to compete, none of them saw the point without her anyway.

"Are you alright Puck" Mr Schue asked

"Fine" Puck replied shortly sure he was fine he was fucked-up, insecure, neurotic and emotional

"It's just your grades are getting seriously low and you haven't applied to any college's yet Graduation is in two months, you need to pass your exams to Graduate. Puck"

"Theres no point anymore" he said his voice void of any emotion

"Yes there is, you still have a future to think about"

"She doesn't, neither do I, not without her. She's the one that made me want to be good, she's the one that changed me. and now, now she's gone and I can't change it, there's no point, not without her. She saved me and then, then I couldn't save her" He shook his head " I couldn't save her" Muttered Puck

"She wouldn't want you to waste your life Puck, she'd want you to live" Mr Schue said trying to reason with him

"Like she wanted to live" Noah retorted sarcastically

"She would want you to live your life and be happy for the both of you"

"Yeah well if she doesn't want to live life and be happy, why should I"

And with his Final words he left the Room, ignoring Mr Schue's protests for him to stay just as he had in the hospital.

**Acceptance**

He sat in his car and read the letter once more.

_In this world I wanted to be someone, people always said I had drive and ambition. I don't know where it went. One day it was just gone and I didn't seem to care anymore, everything seemed to take to much effort when before they were effortless. I was unhappy. I can not pin point the day I became unhappy, it seems I have been unhappy so long. The smile worn on my face rarely real, hid my suffering, nobody needed to know my pain. Nobody needed to share it. This world is full of hate and pain already why cause anyone anymore. After years of teasing and slushies, the prank calls and ugly comments. I feel the need to end it, the voices in my head won't stop they are on constant loop. They never disappear. So loud, So clear. I need them to stop, and I don't know how. Hopefully this will clear my head. Do not grieve me, for I am not worth your tears. This is where my journey ends, this is where I get off. _

_Rachel_

He got out of his car and walked up to the group of people standing around her grave, all dressed in black.

It had been a year since Rachel Berry had died a girl with ambition who was loud and cheerful, it had taken him by shook, and at first his whole world crumbled down on top of him. But now, now he had to become someone she was the only one who believed he wasn't a Lima loser. So he was going out there to try and make his mark on the world. He smiled at the grave and lay a flower down beside it.

" I miss you Rach"

He stood back wit everyone else as they remembered the shining star. He would forever miss her, forever love her. But he had to live.


End file.
